Yes, my absence has once again shown my neglect to my blog. Tomorrow is Valentine's Day, and its time that time of the month (whoops, I mean year) to make some post regarding it. Been doing it since 2009 man ! (i think)
Ok, this one will not be totally about valentine's day or even some suggestions. Instead I'll cut straight to the cheese. Once again I'm going to write about almost-relationships, as I have been writing about (and frankly, thinking) extensively. Seriously.
This is the end of the line for the people who do not want to read about such a thing, or those that are planning to have an awesome Tuesday tomorrow. (yes, its Tuesday for me) It is also not for those that are in a relatively happy commitment and have no intention of finding issues and ironing out problems. Nor is it for those that do not want to think a helluva lot, because the purpose of this post today is to sort of give you a glimpse of my mind, and the experiences shared by many of my mates. Yes, I hope that after this wall of text you leave this den of mine with some food for thought.
(man this whole thing sounded so fluid within me few days ago, now it's just, gah)
Thou has't been forewarned, and I am not liable for any nagging thoughts that keep you awake in the dead of the night or am I liable for any conflicts as a result of such ideas and message to you. even for breakups.
Thoughts and ideas are a very powerful thing.
This year's valentine's day (tuesday i mean) is well, on a tuesday. Now all you school goers and people with their significant other in the same college or even a reachable place will be happy, as opposed to having it on sundays at times. It be a bit too much to ask for the government to make Valentine's day a public holiday for everyone to be a bit lovey dovey than usual though, given the same political drama around this time of the year. That way the people situated in ulu (out of town) areas are reachable as their handphones are returned. Not that I need that anyway.
Now, I'm sure you've seen it, or even experienced it. That state where you are vey obviously more than JUST friends, but also at the same time, not quite fitting the bill for a couple, with a healthy commited relationship. It's that very normal transition phase. Make it or break it. Very fine. You know that she likes you, you like her, both of you like each other. You get my point.
I mean, it should simply last for a short while (where in this context is, not very long) since you can't rush love. Or art.
But what if you stay in this phase. This we're-more-than-friends-but-not-steady-relationship?
In lieu of the very sudden viral trend of troll comics and meme's and badly drawn figures, I decided to make my own one here :D :P
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| (C) WC 2011 and yes, though they look poorly done, they take quite awhile to make. O.O |
yeah, that middle part, thats where I'm interested in talking about here.
Why are you stuck there?
Are you afraid to advance? Maybe you're afraid to risk it all, and go back to friendzone. Or perhaps you've wanted to go to stage 3. In fact, on paper and general analysis, you should pretty darn well be a couple!
I mean you done everything right. Right? You must be wondering where the ___ you went wrong.
So this friend of yours comes, and jokes. hey hey how are you and your girlfriend doing?
Then theres this part where new people you meet ask if you have a girlfriend.
Or that moment when your parents think you do, and when you say no, they don't believe you.
Yeah, they don't believe you.
Frankly, you start to wonder. And problems begin when you wonder.
Why?
I mean sure, you may go all pffft, I don't mind, its all good now, why mess things up. I don't want to seem desperate, or even too pushy. I should be so lucky to even get this close to a girl. I mean, she is real special and not everybody can get close to.
Cool.
But after awhile, you start to get impatient, what are you guys really. What is this part right here.
Neither here, nor there (omg, fringe :P)
And at times, people will ask you, does it really matter? Do we have to call this something? the answer: yes, you do.
Why do you think people have relationship status? Married? Divorced? I mean, why can't I just procreate with a girl and start a family? Ask yourself if that means you are married or not.
The girl did not say "I do." The guy, did not propose.
So you are here because, you are afraid to commit? You significant other doesn't want a relationship? It's not the right time? I just dont want it?
Why is it that one of you are not recognizing it? Admitting it?
The whole point of telling people your in a relationship on FB is so that the guys won't hit on a girl that is taken.
10 people liked it. To define where both of you are and what is your relationship status, even amongst yourselves, is important, because it tell you what you should be doing and thinking, what should be expected, what should not be expected.
And announcing it on FB isn't to show off, thats materialistic, but it is a status, so that others won't interfere, lest, try not too (let's leave the annoying 3rd parties out of this yeah)
I'm positive that in most of the people in this almost-relationship, almost-boyfriend girlfriend state, a large number of them are where one is giving alot, compromising for the other, while the other seems to be taking it all in their stride, or giving less.
NO, relationships are not about giving and expecting, so is love, but it is an important factor nonetheless. (yes, throw that cliched love is not ..... excerpt here, but I'm pretty sure that no one ever said that that kind of love is nice to experience, especially if your not on the receiving end. C'mon, we all have our own Gods, that love us in our own way, I'm Buddhist, but very open and acceptable of others ideologies, so that kind f love is hard, like really hard)
In the beginning, you are willing to put up with it, to stay in limbo, anything to be with her/him, to make them happy right?
But after awhile, you start to wonder, what about yourself? Sure it's selfish, but it matters right? No relationship can be truly happy if one partner is not. Like a seesaw.
Why is it your "partner" doesn't want to admit it, or let others know.
Even tell those men that are after them? Why can't the person just tell them "im taken, sorry." "I have a boyfriend/girlfriend" instead of having those other people hitting on them?
You feel that love is unfair. You seem to be giving so much, commiting so much, well your significant other simply isn't willing to sacrifice. Not as much or even close to how much you have.
You dont know what to expect. You comfort yourself when bad things happen, that we;re just friends, but on the other hand, you're elated when you do couple stuff.
You wait for their reply or phone call, not sure whether if you should expect.
Both your body language clearly shows you both are in love, and should be together.
Even the things you talk about, the stuff you do together, all not something you would simply do with others.
How about when you see an annoying third party after your "significant other", arer you supposed to tell them of? Do you have that authority? Or do you sit and watch.
Simple things here, not even asking for something big like marriage, or kids, or some oath.
And you watch other's. They seem to be having a nice relationship. Do you have that? Why not?
Soon, you start to confront. If you solve the issue, and "go steady" Whoop de doo, I'm happy for you.
If not, you fall back into the almost-relationship grey area. Its such a grey and wide area between those two, its not a line.
Now, if you're here looking to see what you should do. Well, good luck.
Notice that there is only one way, down, or up. Friends, or more.
Staying in this limbo almost relationship, is not a very nice thing to do. You're going to start worrying, and when you confront the other that doesn't want this sort of thing, conflicts.
Sure, your friends tell you to wait. Yes, wait. Someday.
But when is someday, when will that be? How much more?
How much more can you take this.
Everything has a limit.
Where do you draw the line. Its all up to you, and how long you can wait.
But realise there will come a day, where this is it, I don't know what I'm doing right here.
You can't keep on waiting. Right.
So, its you and your partner to sort things out.
Good luck.
If it fails, hey you've tried.
Who's loss? Well, it depends.
Could this be the one that got away?
If it didn't turn out as it should be, after everything, its okay. Don't think about it anymore for now. :)
Perhaps in the past life you've owed her this much of love, and you're repaying the debt.
There will be better girls/guys :))
If you succeed. Yay. Please, appreciate what you have and be good to each other.
I wish I could go on even more, but I'm tired, and I havent done anything else all night, just to rush this post.
(always blog when you have the inspiration, this didn't flow so well)
Notice, if you are single, you are not alone. :D
Sides, be happy that you worry only about yourself and do not have a "significant other" to complement you, for you are perfect and complete yourself.
Who needs another half when they are whole right?
Don't think about that ex or even that "partner".
On a valentine's dayy
No need to be emo and sober. :D The whole is your oyster and yours only, for which with a sword thou shalt open it with. Be thankful to your friends, and your mates. :)
Happy Valentine's Day. :)
Good luck :D
WC
PS: Jump up fall down, turn the music up now~
